SomebodyUDon'tKnow
Posts : 160 Join date : 2011-04-11 Age : 26 Location : End of the Double Rainbow
| Subject: My Fanfiction Sun Apr 17, 2011 6:03 am | |
| I will post some stories here some time, but I just wanted crit on my stories that are up on Fanfiction.net http://m.fanfiction.net/s/6749725/1/ A Kingdom Hearts/One Piece Fanfic http://m.fanfiction.net/s/6909618/1/ A Pokemon Fanfic I will have more soon. Please review them as well. - Zane's White Run(Issue 1: Part 1):
(Note: Text in between these [] means my/Zane's thoughts.) "So...today's the start of my journey...I guess I won't see you for a while. No! Don't cry. I know we grew on each other, but I have to move on. We can stay close. Keep in touch, Mum." I said as I walked out of the front door. The sun shone brightly overhead, making it hard to see. I had to rush behind a house to save my vision. [Aah! I-I can't see! Oh, wait, yes I can. Phew, haha.] I was on my way to Professor Juniper's lab for my first Pokemon. I already knew which one I was gonna pick. Oshawott. Something about staring at it's picture for 3 1/2 hours made it kinda look cute, and he other starters sucked anyway. "Hey, Zane, where are you going?" asked my friend, Bianca. "I was going to the lab to get my Pokemon. Duh!" I replied sarcastically. "But Prof. said she'd deliver the box of Pokemon to your house, didn't she?" "She did?...she did. Ugh! I walk all the way here in this heat? Just *bleep*ing great." I said angrily before following Blanca. [The walk home was a short one. It was just a short path away. I don't know what I was-ARGH! There's a freaking rock in my shoe! Oh the pain!] I lived with the pain the rest of the way home, which was about 4-5 steps away. "Ah, there you are Zane. You really do have a cruddy memory don't you." laughed Prof. Juniper as she pushed me into the living room. It was a small room, containing only a Flat Screen TV, a fridge, a sink, a stove, a table, a cupboard, six chairs and a flight of stairs, leading up to my awesome room. "Well, because you two are late Cheren has already picked his Pokemon. "I picked Snivy!" Cheren yelled anxiously holding the Pokeball and jumping up and down. A lot different than his usual self. "Aw. I wanted that one. darn. I guess I'll have Oshawo-" I'll take Oshawott!" I cut in before Bianca could finish. "Aw. darn you, Zane. I guess I'm stuck with the stupid Tepig." said Bianca with disgust as she pulled out the red pig. It was crying and facing away from Bianca. "Aw. I'm sorry. I'll be your friend!" The Tepig jumped with joy and licked Bianca's face. "On second thought I love this one!" I pulled out Oshawott. It smiled. "Osha!" it squealed as it hugged me. It then ran onto my shoulder and lay there. "Now I also have these for you. They're called Pokedexes. They-" "Yeah, yeah. Save us the details Prof." said Cheren apathetically. "OK then, smart alec. Guys, get your stuff. You're heading out into the wonderful world of Pokemon!" said Prof. Juniper as she walked out of the house. "So...you guys wanna travel together?" I asked anxiously. "No. I think I can handle it. Plus you would take too long getting your stuff." said Cheren, back in his usual personality, as he walked out as well. "I'll travel with you!" said Bianca happily. "Sorry, but I don't like guys." I laughed as I walked out smiling. "Oh, O-wait a minu-GET BACK HERE!" yelled Bianca as she ran after me.
- Zane's White Run(Issue 1: Part 2):
"So this is Route 1, eh? I can tough it out." I said cheerfully. "Don't get too full of yourself. There's some pretty dangerous Pokemon out here..." replied Bianca cautiously, looking from side to side quickly. "Oh no! I'll get eaten by a Lillipup!" I laughed back. "Shut up..." replied Bianca. We walked a bit quicker because Bianca was scared. I ran ahead and it totally scared the crap out of her. "Far!" "What was that!?" screamed Bianca before running behind me. "Oh! Look! A bird!" I yelled as I pulled out my Pokedex. *Data not found* "What!? A new Pokemon! I'll catch it! GO, OSHAWOTT!" I yelled. "Far?" said the Pokemon, confused. "OSHAWOTT, TACKLE!" I yelled. Oshawott ran up to the Pokemon and smashed into it's face. It collapsed instantly. "Pokeball, go!" The ball flew through the air as I returned Oshawott and hit the Pokemon. 1 2 3 *DING!* *Do do do. Do do do do do do do. Da da da da da.* "I caught it! We need to get to the next town to ask Prof. what it is!" I yelled as I ran through the darkness. "Wait up!" yelled Bianca as she ran behind me. We ran for what seemed like hours before finally reaching the Town, and then spent another half hour in the darkness searching for the Pokemon Centre. "Ah! Wow! That Pokemon is from a place very far away called Kanto! They're rare over there as well." exclaimed Professor Juniper. "It's known as Farfetch'd." "I've heard of those! They're considered quite a delicacy." said Bianca eying the Pokemon. "Far?" said Farfetch'd as it waddled away from Bianca who had decided to chase after it. "Ugh. So Professor, should we just stay here for the night?" I asked. "Yes. That would be wise. Cheren hasn't arrived yet. I'm getting worried. I'll go get him. Just don't go anywhere." said Professor Juniper sternly.
Last edited by SomebodyUDon'tKnow on Tue Apr 19, 2011 7:51 am; edited 2 times in total | |
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Jefferlope
Posts : 2631 Join date : 2010-07-29 Age : 30 Location : On your computer screen.
| Subject: Re: My Fanfiction Sun Apr 17, 2011 9:43 am | |
| I read the Pokemon one, and haha, that twist was pretty good. Also, "You, sir are a bad Trainer". It sounds like a game show. =P | |
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SomebodyUDon'tKnow
Posts : 160 Join date : 2011-04-11 Age : 26 Location : End of the Double Rainbow
| Subject: Re: My Fanfiction Sun Apr 17, 2011 12:14 pm | |
| - jefferlope wrote:
- I read the Pokemon one, and haha, that twist was pretty good. Also, "You, sir are a bad Trainer". It sounds like a game show. =P
It does a bit, doesn't it. | |
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SomebodyUDon'tKnow
Posts : 160 Join date : 2011-04-11 Age : 26 Location : End of the Double Rainbow
| Subject: Re: My Fanfiction Tue Apr 19, 2011 7:52 am | |
| New story up. Zane's White Run. | |
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| Subject: Re: My Fanfiction | |
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