Hello, and welcome to my three part review series of the Disney Channel. Tonight I'm going to watch an episode of "The Suite Life on Deck," and the episode's name is, "Das Boots (Submarine)," and it's description; "(2010), Zack and Maya become trapped in a submarine. Meanwhile, Cody prepares for a chess match against Russia's junior champion, who happens to be a cute girl. (Comedy)".
Now, this is already ticking me off. This is one of the most average plots ever. Main character has to compete against a cute girl. And, HOW THE HECK DO THESE OTHER TWO CHARACTERS GET TRAPPED IN A FREAKING SUBMARINE?! From what I understand, the show is about Zack and Cody, played by Dylan and Cole Sprouse, two twins from Boston, Massachusetts. They decide to go on a cruise ship that also has a school on it. Now, this is a spin-off series of "Suite Life of Zack and Cody," which I thought wasn't so bad. But will this series be any better? Let's see.
So the show starts out with a fat kid with an afro eating a chicken leg on a technological stick. His name is Woody. Zack, working at the smoothie bar, sees Maya, his love interest. For Zack, love interests last about two episodes. So, London, who is the daughter of the ship's owner, pays Zack, Woody, and Maya to come and put some of her shoes in a submarine while the ship is docked in Russia. Now, in the opening, Woody is not a main character, yet he appears in every episode. WHY?!
Cut to Cody, the nerd, who plays chess with Marcus, a washed up teenage rap star. Mr. Mosby, the ship's manager comes in, and talks about... something involving chess.
Back to the sub, there are a few puns about shoes, then Zack hits on Maya. But, he's denied.
At the chess tournament, Mosby is talking to Mrs. Tutweiler, the teacher. There's more chess puns. Cody makes some Russian jokes to Marcus, and meets Sasha, the Russian chess whiz. His introduction? "Eugh, pretty girl..." Yep. And Tutweiler and Mosby hit each other. YAY ABUSE!
So Mosby and Tut broadcast commentary on the radio worldwide, and there are more chess jokes. So, to the match. Sasha becomes a psychic, and gets in Cody's head. She knows everything about him, and then Cody basically insults himself. I actually like this Marcus character, he's kinda sarcastic like I am. Oh and Tut and Mosby talk about how Tutweiler is a lonely cat lady. Yay.
Submarine. Woody tries to get some fresh air, but when he opens the hatch, water floods in, along with an electric eel. They toss it around, and London's hair ends up all afro'd like Woody's. Maya insults Zack, and then they have an argument about the pronunciation of "kraken". They're stuck. And then Woody hugs Zack.
CHESS MATCH, Cody's still freaked out. And, look! A bathroom joke! HARHARHAR! Cody swoons about Sasha, who is right in front of her, and yet somehow doesn't hear him. And then Cody reveals more of his nerditude.
Submarine, GOD, this show has more frequent cuts than than twenty emos! Woody finds a radio, and apparently London is a rich idiot. The radio doesn't work, because it's got shoes inside. RED LIGHT AND ALARM! ALAAAAAAAAARRRRRRRRRRRRRRRM! And they try to read some Russian, which means that they only have 30 minutes of air yet, and then another joke about London's intelligence. Cut to commercial.
So far, I'd say that this show is just plain mediocre, and doesn't even compare to the original Suite Life. Also, there IS another character, Bailey, a stereotypical, and I mean REALLY stereotypical, girl from Kansas. She dated Cody at one point. Meh, barely worth mentioning though. Also, Disney has a bad habit of showing thirty second music videos from their own actors, like Miley Cyrus, Selena Gomex, and such. COMMERCIAL END.
Back in the sub, they're all choking, but it turns out Woody farted. 12 minutes left UNTIL THEY DIE! HERE'S HOPING! And London tries to warp back home clanking her ruby shoes together. Way to disgrace Wizard of Oz, Disney. And, Zack confesses he likes Maya, who does the same. They use the batteries from Woody's turkey thing to use the radio.
Chess match. Chess jokes. Yay. They get a call from the submarine on the radio, and Cody has Marcus sit in for him, or else he'd get disqualified. So they decide to get rid of the shoes, because they're weighing down the sub. So, Sasha is hit in the head with a boot, causing her to move her piece and hit the timer thing. Marcus wins for Cody, Zack Woody, Maya and London are saved, and it turns out that since Marcus won, HE is the Junior chess champion, since he technically won.
Also, apparently Marcus's uncle is called, "Uncle Bieber." Whaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaat?
Overall, this is just a bad spin off show. Tune in next time for part two, as I review "Hannah Montana Forever."
