Okay, I'm just gonna stop putting this off and do it. Not because I don't want to, well, I don't, but still.
Hannah Montana Forever. It's basically the last season of Hannah Montana, but they got new sets, and added one new character.
The purpose of that. What was it.
Anyways, the series stars Miley Cyrus as Miley Stuart, who is secretly a pop star under the name of, "Hannah Montana". You know, so she can have a normal life. Well, last time I checked, HAVING A DOUBLE LIFE AS A POP STAR ISN'T EXACTLY NORMAL.
But, let's get to the episode, called, "Don't Tell My Secret!" Gee wilikers, I wonder what it's about!
So, it starts out with Jackson, Miley's brother, who is played by Jason Earls, playing monopoly with his girlfriend, Sienna, played by some girl who I'm not reading the credits to find out the name of. She's apparently a bikini model. Well, her character at least. HOW A A GUY INVOLVED IN A DISNEY SHOW COULD EVER END UP DATING A BIKINI MODEL IN ANY UNIVERSE IS BEYOND ME.
So they make out for about half a second, when... OOPS! Sienna spots Miley, dressed as Hannah, in the window! She explains that she web searched Jackson, and learnt he once dated Hannah. Not like that, it was apparently a misunderstanding. But, still, it's kinda creepy.
Cut to Miley's room, where her friend Lily, is. She lives in their house for some reason explained last season/series. They then make a karma joke. Jeez, when did this turn into My Name is Hannah?
So, Miley makes up something to convince Sienna she didn't see Hannah, then talks to Jackson outside. She want him to stop bringing his girlfriend over because SHE screwed up. Did I mention that Disney likes to display Miley as a spoiled brat? Well, they do.
So, they work out a deal that if Sienna sees Hannah again, they'll tell her the secret. Woo. (WOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO!)
Then, we cut to a beachside amusement park, where Lily works. Robbie comes out after fishing and makes a Die Hard reference. BECAUSE HANNAH MONTANA FANS WOULD TOTALLY GET A DIE HARD REFERENCE!
Robbie: “This was a battle of strength and skill. Me v.s. Bruce Gillis.”
Lily: “Bruce Gillis?”
Robbie: “Yeah, Bruce Gillis. Like Bruce Willis. Because that sucker Died Hard?”
So then Rico, a little rich kid, is arguing with some guy about buying an arcade, but the guy won’t sell. Rico gets steamed and Robbie suggests going fishing with him. But, Rico isn’t relaxed and storms off.
Back at the house, Lily does laundry while Jackson sits on the couch. Miley comes in dressed as Hannah, and says that Sienna won’t see her because she is tracking her phone now, and Sienna is in San Diego at the time.
But OOPS! Sienna is knocking at the door, and Miley gets a blanket thrown over her. Sienna says she lost her phone on a beach at San Diego, and asks if Hannah Montana is under the blanket. They weasel out of it, and then Miley, Lily, and Jackson go to Miley’s room and discuss it. So, Miley says that she’ll tell Sienna while Jackson is having an exam.
Now, she’s about to tell her that she’s Hannah Montana, but then Sienna blabs a secret about Jackson, leading Miley to think she can’t be trusted, AGAIN BREAKING HER PROMISE. She calls Jackson during the exam, and he finishes and goes to the dockside where their dad is fishing with Rico. Now, Rico is the only one catching fish, much to the dismay of Robbie. But then Miley and Jackson come in and their dad thinks that Miley doesn’t need to tell Sienna.
Also, Rico goes offscreen during this part, but I’m pretty sure he knows that Miley is Hannah. So it doesn’t matter anyways.
Back at the house, Jackson tries to convince Miley to tell her, but Miley isn’t buying. Sienna conveniently comes in at that time, and after a minute or two of trying to keep weaseling out of it, Lily sees Jackson and Sienna hugging, thinking Miley told the secret and everything was alright. CURSE YOU DISNEY AND YOUR LIMITLESS SUPLY OF PLOT CUPONS!! So, just as Sienna is going to storm off, Miley decides to show Sienna her closet, which somehow will make Sienna know she’s Hannah Montana. Either that or she explains it in her bedroom in a scene we don’t see due to a cut and time slot limits.
So everything is okay. But then after a commercial break, Robbie takes a picture of Rico with a huge fish, while the credits roll. Robbie leaves, and Rico calls out a guy in diving gear, who was apparently putting all the fish on Rico’s line. How he managed to do that, WHILE THE FISH WERE UNDERWATER, baffles me.
So, I’d give it a 4/10, seeing as it’s based mainly for little girls, but even then, I doubt even they would find it entertaining or funny, and from an adult’s perspective, it’s much worse.
So, that’s the end, whoopdie doo. Next time, I’ll do an episode of “Pair of Kings” which is a series aired only on Disney XD, Disney’s sister channel.
